Lately my joints have been cracking and stiff. the knuckles on my index fingers are red and swollen. my eyes are dry from staring at the computer, consuming too much alcohol and being in a windy, dusty environment. The blood vessels in my hands haved constricted and are inhibiting circulation. my fingers also spasm, go numb, and change in color (from whitish to blue to bright red).
Something is tickling my throat, and I cough trying to expel the irritant. It may be postnasal drainage from allergies, or I may have hyperactive nasal mucus membranes sending liquid down my throat. My acid reflux is also irritating my throat and making me cough. Sitting or standing for too long in one position, strains the muscles in my calves and they cramp, sometimes hours later or during the night. I think I have an electrolyte imbalance.
I sweat when I sleep. I lower the temperature in my bedroom at night by opening a window and using a fan. I have obstructive sleep apnea (OSA), a condition in which snoring is accompanied by brief pauses in breathing as I sleep. I get cracks at the corners of my mouth. Excessive lip licking and the dry air has led to very thin cracks.
My urine is a very dark color. Now I either have a urinary tract infection or I am not drinking enough water. A bladder or kidney infection can also cause darker urine, as can renal stones. sometimes my eyes are bloodshot and my gums bleed. Because I grind my teeth my temporomandibular joint, which connects the jaw to my skull, isn't opening or closing as smoothly as it should. it makes a clicking or popping sound. sometimes it is painful which could mean arthritis.
I also may have lupus.
thats nothin! i woke up today with a boil the size of a softball on my ass! looked like a squashed tomato. my leprosy is so bad, a blind lady was dippin her toast in my back at bob evans. 2 fingers have been amputated, and im pigeon-toed. to top it off, im a gay, black man!
ReplyDeletequit your complaining, you aint got it so bad ;)
Geez, just fucking call Kevorkian!!
ReplyDeleteThey put dogs to sleep that have less wrong with them.
ReplyDeleteAin't life GREAT! Just when you start to figure it out, you can't hardly act it out! I say, As long as you still have your mind and memories... What was I saying???
ReplyDeleteHere's an idea, why don't you go fuck yourself?
This is actually the most humorous entry you have ever written! I have been laughing aloud the whole time! Good writing, old chap!
ReplyDeleteOh, and take care of all this shit, because I don't want to have to take care of you. You're already cranky enough NOW, let alone when you're 80.